SPEAKER_00 0:00

The personal brand why I care story is a story that you share with clients, prospects, COIs, audiences that illustrates why you care about the people you serve. Now, why I added on the words why I care story is that a lot of people think, and a lot of people are teaching, that your why story is a story about why you got into your business. And unless why you got into your business is the same reason why you care, people don't care. Does that make sense? Yes. Like your listener's not going to care. They care about them and they care about you humanizing yourself and showing your heart that this is something beyond just a paycheck for you. So the purpose of the personal brand Why I Care Story has one job to do, one job only, is to quickly increase trust, connection, and likability.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

Welcome to Planning and Beyond, the show where financial planning meets human understanding. As an exceptional financial advisor, you know that financial planning is about more than just numbers. It's about giving clients the clarity they need to align their money with what matters most. Which is why each episode is designed with that goal in mind. You'll learn how to uncover the psychology behind client decisions and gain insights and behavioral strategies needed to create deeper, more meaningful client relationships. You'll discover techniques for navigating emotional client situations drawn from conversations with leading industry experts in behavioral finance, psychology, communication, and more. Whether it's mastering discovery meetings, handling sensitive client conversations, or understanding what is truly keeping your client stuck, you'll walk away with not only strategies that you can use in your next client meeting, but also the confidence to do so. Oh yeah, hi. I should probably introduce myself. I'm your host, Ashley Kwame, a therapist who somehow wandered into the world of financial behavior and kind of decided to stay. My mission is to help you bridge the gap between financial planning and human understanding. Because remember, finances don't have feelings, but your clients do. Let's dive in. Welcome to Planning and Beyond, the podcast where financial planning meets human understanding. Today I'm joined by a very special friend. And I know that I say that most of our guests that come on are friends. And they all are. Like, and they all are. But my guest today, Deirdre Van Nest, is very special, near and dear to my heart. Someone I consider a mentor, someone who has coached me in the speaking part of the work that I do. And I'm excited to have her come on today to talk about strategic storytelling and how you, as an advisor, can leverage that to build and gain trust with your clients. Deirdre, thank you so much for joining me. I'm so excited to be here. Yes. I know. Yes. I've been looking forward to and counting down to when this interview is going to happen. So I'm thrilled to have you here. Now, I know a lot about you, but you know, there might be some folks listening here that's like, ooh, a mentor speaking. How is this connected? Can you tell us maybe just a little bit about your story? You are a speaker, an international speaker, your company, Crazy Good Talks, is all about teaching financial professionals the art of speaking and communicating. Can you share with us, though, maybe a little bit more about how you got connected into financial services?

SPEAKER_00 3:41

Yeah. So I would say, like, you know, our at Crazy Good Talks were all about helping advisors accelerate business growth through their communication, right? So using their communication, their voice, how they speak and write and share their ideas as their competitive advantage, whether that's from the stage in a seminar or workshop, whether they're doing keynotes like you do, whether it's one-on-one with a client, whether it's on video, social media, all those types of things. So that's our mission is that advisors don't just enter a room, they own the room through their communication. And what makes me really excited about working specifically in this industry. So at Crazy Good Talks, we do work with all types of entrepreneurs, but we have a very specific focus on advisors. And that relates to my story. So when I was 10, my parents were in a really bad car accident. And my mother, my mother did not survive the accident. I know you know this, Ashley. My dad, unfortunately, was also very severely hurt. He was in the hospital for quite a while, but eventually, thank God, he did recover and he was able to go back to work and he was able to care for my sister and me. And so from that situation, my family didn't suffer financially. We suffered emotionally, but we didn't suffer financially, right? So fast forward years later, uh, and I didn't think about that much as a kid, and I'm glad because kids who have to think about that are the ones that there is a problem with finances. So fast forward years later, I'm a woman now, I'm thinking about having a family, and I started thinking, oh my gosh, what would have become of us if my dad had died or he couldn't go back to work? I don't know what my life would have been like.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

Right. So as soon as I was pregnant with our first child, I didn't even know it was like, I didn't know if Annika was a boy or a girl. I grabbed my husband, Peter, we sat down and started working with a financial advisor. And I started asking my friends who were the same age and stage of life. And these were people who were doing well. Like they had good jobs, they had money to protect and things to, you know, uh money to invest, things to protect. And when I started bringing up planning, they looked at me like I had 10 heads. Like they couldn't understand why I would even be thinking about this right now. And it dawned on me for the first time how many people in our country, but I think this probably goes worldwide, but we'll talk about our country or the North America, who are one tragedy away from total financial devastation. And I think a lot of times it's because they either don't think something can happen to them, andor it's very unpleasant to think about and talk about. So here's my role in the industry. It's not to be do the job of an advisor. My calling is in the communication realm. It's to work behind the scenes like you do, right? Equipping advisors to be the most influential, persuasive, engaging communicators they can possibly be. Because I think you'd agree that people who are better communicators are more influential, right? Yeah. And so my vision is that when a prospect sits down in front of an advisor or they come to a seminar or workshop, the advisor through their communication can persuade them to make decisions today that they'd rather put off for someday. And that's what I'm all about. That's what Crazy Good Talks is all about. It's like, how do we get people making decisions that are in their best interest today, having conversations they'd rather put off? And the way you do that is by building trust, building connection, building likability, and speaking in a way that appeals to the emotional centers of the brain, not just the logical centers of the brain, because people make decisions on emotion and they back it up with logic.

SPEAKER_01 7:17

Yes, to all of that. Yes. I want to like throw my hands up and say, breach. Amen. Amen. Yeah, all the things. And what I have learned from you and through you, through working with Crazy Good Talks, is that for many people, storytelling, it may not be natural. It might take some work. Like, you know, before kind of meeting you, I had this myth or, you know, kind of notion that people who were great storytellers, like they just did it naturally. And you hear about that. Like, oh, this person can tell this story, like, oh, they're such like a great storyteller. I kind of, when I was coming into doing more speaking, thought that storytelling was you either got it or you don't. Yeah. I, you know, through my work with you and learning from you, came to find out that there is some strategy to crafting a great story, that you don't have to just rely on your own natural abilities or not. Or not, right? Yeah. Like you can actually build the skill of being a great storyteller. And when you put in the effort to do that, it can really make a difference in terms of how you land clients and keep clients there. Now, you've shared a strategy, I know, with me before and being part of your group that one of your clients used the strategy to increase their win rate from 85% to 100%. Are you able to share this? Can you share this strategy with us?

SPEAKER_00 8:52

Yeah, yeah. No, no, absolutely, absolutely. And so, what I want to do, I want to just back up to something you said. So, first of all, one of the biggest myths about communication is that you're born with it or you're not. So, in my experience, crazy good speakers and storytellers are not born, they're built. And I know you experienced that too. Yes. You saw it. I mean, you saw it as we did our work together. And I saw it in you as we did our work together. I personally have experienced that in my own life. So if you're sitting here and you're listening to this podcast and you're like, yeah, that's for someone else, it's not me. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Now, I'll tell you what, the person who concerns me more, Ashley, is not the person who's like, I don't know if that could be. It's the person who's like, oh, I'm already great at this. But they've had no training. Yeah. And it's kind of like the high school athlete who thinks they can be in the Olympics because they were a great high school athlete. So I am an encourager, but I want to encourage you not to be overly arrogant and confident if you haven't trained. Because what I find for the people who think they're naturally good at it, and you might be, they tend to ramble, they don't make a clear point, and they kind of like to hear themselves talk. And with business strategic storytelling, every single word has to earn its place into the story. So you have to have a strategy behind it. It's like building a financial plan. There needs to be a plan. Does that make sense? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:09

That's such a good distinction, right? Because this is more than just storytelling for entertainment. Exactly. Right. Like there is, you know, in the business sense, I'm glad that you clarified there is a strategy to it. Like there's purpose and there's meaning behind each of the statements and how you put it together in a meaningful way. So yes, I'm with you. I'm so glad that you clarified that.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

Okay, good. So now I'm getting to so the so the client that you're talking about is our client Roger Johnson. I can use his name. I have a video about him talking about this. So let me start with the three types of stories, and I'll tell you which one he used to achieve that closing ratio. But there are three types in crazy good talks, world. I'm not saying these are the only ones. If you study with other people, they might have other types, but we focus on three main story types with our clients and in our own business. And the first is what we call the personal brand why I care story. I'll define these in a moment. The second is what we call a desire story. And the third is an analogy or a story to illustrate a point. Okay. Now, the thing that's super important in business strategic storytelling is this paradigm. And if someone misses this paradigm, like when I have clients say to me or advisors say, I've been told to tell stories for years and it just does nothing for me, it's likely because they just pulled some story out of their life and just told it, but they didn't know what story to use and why. So stories, just like human beings, have very specific jobs to do. You have to use the right story for the right purpose. So let me give it an illustration here. So right now, by the way, this is an analogy to illustrate a point. This is what I'm doing here. Okay, so I'm gonna be I'm gonna be transparent about using the story. You are modeling as I'm modeling as I teach here. Okay. So let's say, Ashley, have like have you ever had an injury, like a knee injury or an ankle or a foot? Have you ever had anything that needed surgery?

SPEAKER_01 12:03

Yeah, yeah. Actually, I have.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

Okay, do you mind sharing? Is it too personal?

SPEAKER_01 12:07

No, it's not too personal. Okay. Well, maybe not probably should have been surgery. Ah, okay. So what was it? Should have been surgery. Broke my ankle.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:18

In multiple places. Oh. Yeah, when I was younger.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

Okay, so let's just pretend you break your ankle in multiple places and I'm your neighbor and I'm a cardiologist.

unknown 12:29

Right.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

And let's say you needed surgery for that. And I said to you, okay, Ashley, I'm a doctor. So I belong in the broad category of doctor. I'm actually the best cardiologist in the country. And I would be happy to operate on your ankle. What do you think?

SPEAKER_01 12:47

Yeah, no, like fear comes up for me, like some other maybe expletives. Um, but I mean, like, no danger. How about you refer me to somebody? Can you refer? Like, it feels a bit inconsistent, like this isn't matching. It's not making sense to me. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 13:02

So just like broad category doctor, broad category story, not every doctor can do every doctor job. You need a specialist. Not every story can do every story job. You need a specialist. I love that. Okay. So let me tell you the specialties of these three stories. So the personal brand, I used to call it, and like when you were studying with me, I called it the personal brand why story. I have expanded that. And I'll tell you why. I now call it the personal brand why I care story. Okay, and here's why I make that distinction. The personal brand why I care story is a story that you share with clients, prospects, COIs, audiences that illustrates why you care about the people you serve. Now, why I added on the words why I care story is that a lot of people think, and a lot of people are teaching, that your why story is a story about why you got into your business. And unless why you got into your business is the same reason why you care, people don't care. Does that make sense? Yes. Like your listener's not gonna care. They care about them and they care about you humanizing yourself and showing your heart that this is something beyond just a paycheck for you. Yeah. Okay, right? So the purpose of the personal brand why I care story, it has one job to do, one job only, is to quickly increase trust, connection, and likability. That's it. So whenever you're meeting someone for the first time, you would want to share that story. If you're with a client or uh someone you want to deepen the relationship, you would share that story. But whenever you want to humanize yourself and build that trust and that connection, that's the reason for sharing that story. So I actually shared my why I care story, right? The story about my mom and dad clearly shows why I care about helping advisors help more clients. I don't want a family to dodge a bullet. Like I don't want them to have an accident like was life-changing like mine, and then be totally financially devastated. And I have the skill and the drive and the mission to help advisors be the best communicators so that they can help these clients make decisions that are in their best interest. Makes total sense. Yeah. So yes, I make a living at it, but it's beyond that for me. Right. There's a mission here. And so that's what it is. Like people need to see your mission. Okay. So that's the first story. The second story is what I call the desire story. And the desire story, I'm about to illustrate that when I share Roger's story, but the desire story is a story that you would share to evoke desire in your listener's heart or your reader's heart, if it's written, for those same results. So this is sort of like a client review or testimonial told in a story format. Any clarifying questions on that?

SPEAKER_01 15:56

No, I'm tracking. No. Okay. I'm waiting to hear your example because it makes sense to me and studying with you, I know where we're going. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 16:07

You know where we're going.

SPEAKER_01 16:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:08

And then the third story, and this is probably what your listeners are very familiar with. Most most professionals, advisors have been telling these stories for, you know, since they started their business, are these stories or analogies that illustrate a point. You would tell that type of story when you are wanting to make something simple or you're wanting to make something memorable.

SPEAKER_01 16:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:27

Back to the desire story. Sorry, I didn't really mention the job of that. It said what it did. The job is when you want to be persuasive or sell without sounding salesy. So instead of saying, like, we're the best at XYZ and we're going to do this and we're going to do that, you wrap it into a story. And then people are like, oh, I want those results. And you're the one who can help me get it.

SPEAKER_01 16:47

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love this is one of my favorites, the desire story. The desire story. Yeah. Because for someone like me who does not like to come across as salesy, but also recognize that there is an element, there is a part of my my job, my work, my business is dependent upon generating sales. So I love this story in particular, the desire story. So sorry. Yeah. Keep going. Share with us.

SPEAKER_00 17:15

Yeah, yeah. So Roger is a top producing 40-year industry vet. Like he's been in the industry when he when he first came to us 40 years. What I love about him is that openness to learn, Ashley, right? He's a top producer. His firm has 12,000 advisors. He's always in the top 50. That's incredible. And he still wants to be coached and get better. I love that. Roger. Oh, gotta love him. Gotta love that. Gotta love that. He is in the Dallas area and he serves high net worth individuals. And I like to share this about his background because sometimes I'll have top producers thinking, well, I already know everything. I, you know, I don't need more. Or they might say something like, Well, my clients might be too sophisticated for storytelling. And that's not true. Humans are wired as humans. And so I like sharing Roger because it kind of dispels all of those myths, right? But he he wanted a strategy. He was like, dude, you know, I want a strategy to close more business. And so, you know, fast forward just a few months later, and he said, everyone who walked into my office a prospect, so he he tracked this over a six-month period of time. Everyone who walked into my office as a prospect walked out as a client. Wow. And so the way that that happened was he started sharing his personal brand why I care story in all of his meetings with prospects. Interesting. So he didn't change anything else about that first meeting. He just added the personal brand why I care story. And he went from this closing, you know, typical closing ratio of 85 to 90% historically to 100% during that period of time.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

Okay. So I know this is true that you're not making things up here. Like I know this is true. But what I am curious to hear from you is maybe a little bit more about why sharing your personal brand why I care story, like Roger did. Why is that so effective?

SPEAKER_00 19:21

Yes. Okay. And I just want to point out that I told a desire story, but the how, the way he got the result was through the why story. Does that make sense? So, like I know we're like we're like very meta right now, but I share. So desire story is the before and after, and here's how we got the result. Yep. And the how is sharing the personal brand why I care story. So I used to not teach, like I stumbled by complete accident on the personal brand why I care story. When I started teaching in this industry, which was 2010, I was only aware of two storytelling types, the desire story and the story or analogy to illustrate a point. And that's all I taught, Ashley, until 2017, when I just had this feeling of unrest for a couple of years. And I just felt like every time I got on stage, I left a part of myself outside the room. And I wanted to make it more real. Yeah. And I wanted to be connected at a more heart level with my audiences. And so January 11, 2017, I shared for the first time, I was doing a training for a group of advisors in Minneapolis. I shared for the first time a version of the story that I shared here about my parents in the car accident. And I remember feeling really scared to do it because it's vulnerable. And you don't know. Like you're so used to being sort of tactical and then all of a sudden, right? And no one was really talking about this back then. Like when I started speaking in on storytelling, I had to convince people that this was like a legitimate way to convert and why this worked. So I had a lot of education I had to do. So it still didn't completely like be mainstream at that point, right? So I tell the story and I'll never forget what happened. As soon as I'm, and I'm getting to the answer to your question here. So as soon as I'm done with the story, these two advisors in the third row on the left-hand side, their hands go shooting up in the air. And I remember thinking, what on earth are they gonna say? Like this could be a disaster. Yeah. So I call in the first advisor. I don't remember the first advisor's name, but I remember the second. I call in the first advisor and he says, I love that you understand what we do. Thank you. Like it means a lot to me that you really understand the value of what we do. And I was like, Oh, okay, great. This is great, right? So I call in the second advisor. His name is Joe. And I want you to think about this. Imagine if someone said this to you. He leans forward and he says, Deirdre, I just want you to know I will believe anything you say right now. So most people would feel really excited about that. I was relieved. I was a little excited, but I was mostly kind of ticked off. And I'll tell you why. I call this my Wizard of Oz moment. I was ticked off because I had spent the last seven years speaking and coaching in the financial services industry. And I felt like I had to keep proving myself over and over again. And Ashley, I didn't come with any credentials to this industry, zero. And it's I am proof positive that being a great communicator can open doors of opportunity and nothing else can. I didn't have any credentials. And this industry loves their credentials.

SPEAKER_01 22:19

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:20

Right? And it was intimidating. But I had a mission and I knew God had called me here and I had a purpose, so I kept doing it. But I did feel like I had to, you know, talk about credentials and tell a lot of desire stories and kind of prove my value and prove my worth. And I thought, do you mean I had the shoes on all the time? Do you mean I could have just clicked my heels and gone to Kansas? Like it was in me that this power to transform and have people connect with me was all because I was just being myself. Do you mean that I can stop proving myself and I can start being myself and I can impact more lives? That makes total sense. It astonished me.

SPEAKER_01 23:00

But also, what a relief, too, as you said.

SPEAKER_00 23:03

It was such a relief. You could feel the energy in the room literally shift. Like there was an energetic shift. I had people coming up afterwards, and this hadn't happened to me previously. They're hugging me. I went back the next day to talk to the general agent about something. People were still hugging me. It was like wow. So I started sharing that story everywhere I spoke in the industry for the next two years. We didn't change anything else, and our business grew, our revenue grew by 60%.

SPEAKER_01 23:31

That's incredible. Communicating about why or why you care. Why I care. So I remember the first time I heard you speak. And you shared your why story. And I don't know if I had the same stream of thought that Joe did, but I remember feeling just very connected to you, like on a human level. Like I just remember that feeling of like, oh my gosh, like this is a human that's up there that is so relatable. Even though like I've not experienced the same things, you know, that you did through your story, but it was just the vulnerability and relatability, and just like, okay, so this is a person that's talking and sharing, and this is where they're coming from. And oh my goodness, like how helpful is that to know about them, right? Like I felt just very instantly drawn, you know, to you from that way. And I can imagine being a client, and it's already nerve-wracking talking about money. For a lot of people, it can be, especially a new client with a new advice. Like that can be vulnerable just in and of itself. But then to have your advisor share why they care story. I mean, I would imagine just the like relief of like, oh, yes. Okay. This is a person that is also sharing some vulnerability with me here, too.

SPEAKER_00 25:02

You know, you said something that I love, where you're coming from. When we know where people are coming from, that makes all the difference. That makes such a big difference. Even people we really disagree with, if I know where they're coming from and I can see a little background into why they landed there, I'm like, okay, I might not agree with you, but like I can feel you and relate to you as a human being now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The where you come from, really, Matt, like not where you come from, like originate, but where you're coming from emotionally, mentally, like your perspective, where did that originate is very compelling.

SPEAKER_01 25:38

It is, yeah. It's also so vulnerable though. So it's disarming. You and I can talk about this and sit like it's very easy, but it is very vulnerable. Yes. And I would imagine you have had plenty of advisors, entrepreneurs, clients that they're like, I hear you, dear Jet. Like I hear you. This sounds great, but that, you know, that feels a little bit kind of too vulnerable there. Like, how do you help or what do you say when there are people who feel uncertain about leading with vulnerability?

SPEAKER_00 26:12

Yeah, I love that. It's such a good question. One thing I do want to say, and then we're going into that, is once I started seeing the results that I was getting from the Y Story, I started asking myself the question was this just a fluke? Because it's my story is very dramatic. And I'm a keynoter and you know, coach. Like, could this actually be effective for my wholesalers and my advisors? And then other entrepreneurs that I support, but we're talking about advisors here today. And so I started teaching my advisors and my wholesalers the strategy. And they started seeing the same results, actually. And I knew I had something. And so that's when I started. It was like somewhere around 18 or 19, I started incorporating it into my teaching. And it's become one of the main pillars of what we teach. I mean, I had, I'll never forget this, I had a client named Travis who was a disability income protection wholesaler. That's a pretty tough job. I think that's one of the toughest jobs in the industry, right? And he came and he said, you know, I'm really struggling to get in front of advisors. Like I want to get on more stages, more events with them, speak to them. And then when I do, very few sign up to meet with me. So we crafted his why we worked on his speaking skills overall. But the big thing that we focused on was his why story. And he went out and he gave it for the first time to a group of like 78 advisors in San Diego. He got a standing ovation after he told his story.

SPEAKER_01 27:34

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 27:35

I don't know a wholesaler's ever gotten a standing ovation. And I don't want to overstate it, but I I know it was at least 80% of that room signed up to meet with him. And within a few months, he was getting more invitations that he knew what to do with, and he called me with another problem. He said, I don't have enough time for all these appointments I've said, that's a different program. That's a different that's a different one. You gotta go to strategic coach for that one. Yeah, there we go. I love it. And then literally he said, and this is he said, underwriting actually called me and said, What is going on here? What's happening with all this production?

SPEAKER_01 28:15

Just started leading with vulnerability.

SPEAKER_00 28:18

Exactly. So here's the thing that I will say, and I know you're all about this also with the work that you do. One of my missions here, and one of my legacies, I hope, in this industry is to flip the script in the conversation. And this is what I mean. Advisors have been told that they should never talk about themselves. That's just from early on, right? Don't talk about yourself. And any sales train is gonna say it's not about you, it's about the client. But here's where we have missed something. There's a there's a nuance here. If talking about yourself appropriately is going to deepen the relationship such that people are willing to open up and learn from you and take your advice, you owe it to them to talk about yourself. By not talking about yourself and just being a wall, people are less likely to lean in quickly. And I just think about and I think about this a lot, someone who sees an advisor, I'm gonna make it up, March 1st. And it takes 30 days, 60 days to really build trust to where they're willing to act. But on March 15, one of them gets killed in a car accident, and they didn't have the situation that my family had where their dad was able to go back to work and actually had a career that was held for him. Now they are completely financially devastated. If that advisor could have developed enough trust on March 1st to move things forward, right? And maybe March 15 is too quick, maybe we'll say March 30th, right? But if things could have moved along faster, is my point, that family would be protected sooner. Does that make sense? Yeah. Oh, yeah, it does. And so you being vulnerable and talking about yourself is in service to them. And you have to just get over yourself.

SPEAKER_02 30:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:04

And I don't want to minimize it. But Ashley, you and I, we've both had to do this so many times, we've had to get over ourselves. I know we both have been terrified to get on the stage, to say certain things, to have certain conversations. And you just have to go, all right, this is part of the mission. This is part of what I'm called to do. And I'm gonna do it scared. I'm gonna do it scared. And it might look clunky, it might look awkward, it might feel weird. And I guarantee you, it's probably gonna feel a lot weirder than it actually looks if you craft it and practice it. Right? Yeah. But you have to be willing to just be comfortable being uncomfortable. And I promise you, within a certain amount of time, and for most people, it's not very long, you're gonna go, wow, the results of this are so great that I'm comfortable now. It doesn't take that long, right? I mean, what was your experience doing this? Because you've had to do this.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

Yeah. So what I will share is that, like advisors, we were taught in mental health and my mental health training, like, we do not share and talk about ourselves because we're here to talk about the clients. And right, what I found similar to what you were saying, is that I think maybe it's just my personality or what I started to notice, and even how I felt disconnected from clients, like it just doing therapy, like it just felt like it was so one-sided. And that, you know, studying systems, studying relationships, like everything that I knew, it was like what I was doing was like just completely against everything that I knew as far as what works in relationships. Yes. And so it felt very just incongruent and really bad. What I started to do is like drip like small, like just little nuggets of like personal information, like maybe about myself. Oh, yeah, like my kids also. My son also plays soccer. Yep, I know what it's like to be living on the soccer field on the weekends. Like I would find ways to just drip and connect. And what I started to notice through those small pieces of vulnerability is that I would have clients that then would say is, Oh, it's so nice that you're just like you're a normal human. Like you just seem like you're a regular, a normal person. And the trust equity that I started to build, it did wonders for at least when I was practicing therapy. You know, it did wonders. I had a wait list for three months, self-pay, like on like it just started to build that referral system as well. Because now here it is, Ashley is a normal person, right? Exactly. So I take that experience, but then working with you, what was helpful is that I was very comfortable and familiar, like dripping, you know, kind of these like small little informational bits. Yeah. What I had not taken the time to do was really thoughtfully think through like, why am I doing this work? Why do I care? Like I really hadn't sat down to formulate it in such a way of like a story. And so it wasn't that I was not maybe comfortable sharing it. I just didn't know how to do it. Articulate it, articulate it exactly.

SPEAKER_00 33:03

I remember when we worked on it. Like you you had a mission, you had a passion, you had a drive. But sometimes a lot of that is subconscious for a lot of us. Exactly. That's how I was in financial services in the beginning. I couldn't figure out why I loved this group. Literally, it's right here at my nose. It wasn't until a friend said to me, uh, what do you think about that? And I was like, Oh my gosh. So, like a lot of times it does take someone. Some people are very clear, other people, we need someone from the outside looking in to help guide us to articulate it. Well, one thing I wanted to just make sure it was crystal clear. When I say flip the script, and you alluded to this earlier, it's right now the model is the client comes in, the advisor starts asking all sorts of deep probing personal questions. You're basically asking this person to show you their underbelly. Meanwhile, a lot of times these people haven't even talked about it with each other. And I mean, how many times advisors have a couple sat in your office, and you've probably experienced this with your couples that you work with, and they one spouse looks to the other, and like, I didn't know you thought that. I didn't even know that about you, right? I know that's happened to my husband and me in the advisor's office. And so if you go first with just appropriate vulnerability, like you were saying, Ashley, it busts down those walls. And now they are gonna open up way more than they would have before. Way more.

SPEAKER_01 34:20

Yeah, it happens almost like automatically. It's the law of reciprocity.

SPEAKER_00 34:26

Yes, exactly. Right? So you have given something of yourself. People feel they need to give something back. You have given your human experience. Now I can feel comfortable giving mine back.

SPEAKER_01 34:38

Yes, well said, very well said. So, okay, then for advisors who are like, okay, deirdre, those sounds good, but where do I even start? Like if my story is maybe underneath, right? If I feel like I kind of know, but how do I start crafting maybe uh part of the story?

SPEAKER_00 34:56

Yeah, I think the simplest thing. I mean, I can I can get into some detail if you want, but I will say we do currently have a template on our website if they want to go and download the template.

SPEAKER_01 35:05

Okay, great.

SPEAKER_00 35:06

It will walk them through how to do it.

SPEAKER_01 35:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 35:08

So you you can put that in the show notes, like the absolute, right? So if you go to crazygo talks.com and you click on the right now, and I say right now we're changing some things, but I'll let you know if that changes the story creation page, it will pop up.

SPEAKER_01 35:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 35:21

I love that. So the template to start creating it will pop up. And then if you're not a do it yourself or and you want our help, you can reach out. We can talk about how we can help you do it.

SPEAKER_01 35:29

Yes, which is worth it.

SPEAKER_00 35:31

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 35:33

Please know that. I mean, I guess I am biased in that I have gone through uh I've gone through it, but I do think it's worth it. Yeah. And I say that because it builds confidence. And one of the things that I have found in learning from and through you is that, you know, taking the time to master stories, you know, strategic stories, it has given me so much more confidence in speaking, not just like on stages, but even in uh meetings with prospective clients.

SPEAKER_00 36:05

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 36:05

And I feel a lot more myself and comfortable and again, confident, just to reiterate that. And so I think that too, like there is a business, like kind of part of this, but my goodness, like clients can feel like when you're confident and when you're speaking confidently. And so I think that there's just so much value in learning like how to craft your story, how to craft stories and be strategic with where and how you like it just builds all of that, you know, there for you, which just resonates. Yes. It resonates.

SPEAKER_00 36:37

Absolutely. And I can't tell, like, I've had so many advisors say to me, because one of the things that we recommend once we have the story well crafted is to put it to video and then we have them send it out to prospects in advance. And I've had I had an advisor come up to me. It was at the shift conference. So my first year he heard me speak. My second year, he this advisor came up to me and he said, My prospects walk in sold because they watched the story.

SPEAKER_01 36:59

That's incredible.

SPEAKER_00 37:00

And he's not like I've had multiple advisors experience that, right? So it really, yeah, like that's a great, great thing to happen.

SPEAKER_01 37:09

Yeah. Oh, I love that. I might take and steal.

SPEAKER_00 37:13

Absolutely. Please do. Please do take it and you you put it to video and then you send it in advance and you say something like, Hey, let's say you pretend I was the client. Hey, deirdrum, super excited to meet with you next week. You know, I'm gonna answer any questions you have. I'm excited to get to know you. That's primarily what we're gonna talk about. I'll answer any questions you have about how we do what we do and you know what we're doing. But a lot of my clients find most interesting and important is why we do it. So if you could just take two minutes, three minutes, however, you know, it shouldn't be more than three minutes, the story. If you could just take three minutes to watch this video before we meet, it'll this will just give you like kind of an insight on my mission and my heart. Yeah. Right? I love that. Yeah. And then if they don't, if they come to the meeting and you're like, hey, did you get a chance to watch the video? And they say no, you're like, okay, no problem. Do can I just take three minutes and tell you why? I'm so happy that we're here today. And that's something we also have our advisors send it out to their existing database. So they've had client, you know, clients they've been seeing for years who who know what they do, they know how they do it, they have no idea the why. And they can say something like that, like, hey, dear drill, we've been working together for you know 10 years, you know what I do, but you probably don't know why I do it. And I've gotten really in touch with why I do it. And I want to share that with you. And if this resonates with you and you think you have any friends who this mission would resonate with and you want to pass it along, that would be great. So advisors are getting referrals from that. There's all sorts of ways to leverage this. Can I share one quick thing though? Because I know someone's thinking this, and I just have to address this really fast. Someone is thinking, I don't have a tragic story. So what do I'm right? You know that they're thinking that. Okay. It's like the only time you want to have a tragic story. Right. Right? I know. Don't feel bad for yourself because you don't have a tragic story. We don't want that. Here's the thing the story can be positive. First of all, I have a client, Mark, who grew up at his dad's business advisory firm, and he talks about how at four he was looking stamps and at eight he was filing papers, and at 16 he was greeting clients. And he talked about watching his dad, like, you know, help people and the clients hugging him and saying what a difference they made. And he said, you know, when I thought about how I wanted to spend my life and the meaning I wanted to bring to the world, I wanted to be an advisor. Beautiful story, beautiful, humanizing, positive story. Now, you might not have that either. So you might have gotten into this business because it made sense. Yeah. It made sense. But I pretty much guarantee there was a point in your business where you didn't stay in the business because it made sense. Because it the first five years does make a lot of sense for many advisors, right? And you're the wife of an advisor. I'm sure you saw this. Yes. It makes no sense. You were living on an aspiration, right? But you're also living on clients that you have helped. And this is where, if you don't have a personal story that put you in the business, whether it's good or it's sad, look at the clients you have helped or client you have helped that you would love to clone, where you that has given you so much purpose, joy, and meaning where you just like want to get out of bed and do that again in that way. That's who you tell the story about, right? Yeah. So I have one client, Jim, and I'll just do this real briefly, told a story about he got into this business because it was like the only thing like he was good at. Like he was good at like reaching out, cold calling, making sales. He said, But I hated every single solitary second of it. I hated it. And I always thought about quitting until I met my clients, Big Jim, and his wife, and I think the wife's name was Barb. And then he tells this beautiful, compelling story about how this man was dying and how he helped the widow, and how he continues to help her to this day. But he he had this moment in the house with the client where he was knew it was the last time he was gonna see Big Jim. And Big Jim said, you know, Frank, come over here. And Frank goes up, goes over and he leans down. And Big Jim says, I think it was five words that changed his life, six words. Jim, take care of my wife. And Jim said he left that moment and he drove down the street and he said, and I wept.

SPEAKER_01 41:10

Oh, I bet.

SPEAKER_00 41:11

I still get chills. I wept and I wept and I wept, and that changed my entire career. Yeah. And that was like 30 years ago. And he said, I've been serving widows ever since, and I still take care of Big Jin's wife. And so that's a beautiful story. And so, what was a defining moment in your career, or what's just a client that you helped, and it was so meaningful to them that it became so meaningful for you? That's the focus of your story.

SPEAKER_01 41:40

Yeah, I think that's a great distinction because you're right. Sometimes people think I have to have this tragic, sad story in order to connect. Right. But it doesn't, that doesn't have to be the case. It can be something positive and exciting, but it can also be just a defining moment that made you realize, oh, I love this work. Like, oh yes, this is what I am made to do. This is why I get up and do the thing that I do every single day. Exactly. So I think that's a great, a great distinction. So, okay, if people want more deirdre in their life, if they want more deirdre, where can they connect with you? Where can they get more of you and all of your wisdom?

SPEAKER_00 42:20

Yeah. The simplest, well, LinkedIn for ongoing wisdom, LinkedIn is the platform that I am on. And we do post a decent amount of content and ideas and thought leadership there. So that would be great. Please connect. I'm an open networker. So please ask me to connect. I would love to connect with you. Our website is Crazy Good Talks. There you can learn about our free resources. We've got a podcast, we've got a blog, we've got Crazy Good Talks TV. So that's under the resource tab. And then we also have paid engagements, you know, speaking engagements, workshops, year-long programs together, private coaching, like all those types of things. Storytelling, creation. All the things. All the things.

SPEAKER_01 42:59

Yes. All the fantastic things. Well, Deirdre, thank you so much for coming on and sharing all of your wisdom. I always learn so much from you. And even though I've, you know, we've been together a few years now, you know, picking up just the video tips there and sending that out. So I love learning, I love learning from you and always appreciate you. Thank you to all of you who have joined in and who have listened. Thank you for allowing Deirdre and I into your ears and into your mind today. If this conversation resonated with you, both Deirdre and I would love to keep the connection going. So as she mentioned, you can follow and check out her work on LinkedIn. You can also connect with me on LinkedIn at Ashley Kwamey, where I share weekly insights around the human side of planning. If you want even more, Ashley, if you want even more planning and beyond, beyond the plan in your life, you can check out our monthly newsletter at www.beyondthefp.com. Make sure though, most importantly, make sure to follow the show so that you never miss future conversations just like this one. Just like this one. It was great. Just like this one. It was great. It was so much fun. We could talk all day. Thank you. We could. Yes, yes. But as always, my friends, remember finances don't have feelings, but your clients do. I love that. Yeah, isn't that great? So good, yes. I do love that talk about storytelling.

SPEAKER_00 44:24

I love when you say that. It's so good. It's so good.

SPEAKER_01 44:28

It is so good. Yes. Well, until next time, my friends, keep planning, keep growing, and keep going beyond. Thanks for joining me on this episode of Planning and Beyond. I hope you found today's insights valuable and inspiring for both your practice and your personal growth. If you enjoyed the show, please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform. Your feedback helps us reach more advisors like you who are dedicated to making a difference. For more resources, tips, and to continue the conversation, visit our website at beyondthefp.com. You'll find articles, tools, and information about upcoming episodes designed to support your journey and practice. Stay connected with us on social media and never miss an update. Follow us on Twitter and LinkedIn. And remember, the best way to grow is to keep learning and sharing. Until next time, keep planning, keep growing, and keep going beyond.